Things that I think about...

  So a few years ago I got my first Subaru after what I felt to be an on and off desire to own one. Not due to the idea that they could last long or anything. For me it was more the name alone Subaru Forester as someone who moderately loved the outdoors I felt like that was my future outdoor adventure mobile. Once I got it, I found out well it was just like all other cars, just another one. Do not get me wrong it is something I do love to own and hope to keep for a long time with some small minor adjustments to it. If I could do it well with random extra funding I would give mine a roof rack to carry gear, off road style wheels and tires and if I went overboard maybe a small suspension lift like no more than 3 inches. I know there is some manner of image that Subaru has when it comes to who owns them, often times I hear that they think they are made for lesbian women, the manly type. I just see those who own them as people who admire and want to conserve the outdoors and nature. Su...

  I feel that my interest in photography began when I was much younger. One of my passions and hobbies is photography. I will often include images on here that I have taken on various vacations or outside adventures I have been on. I have somewhat in a small way always had something inside of me that enjoyed using a camera. I remember being a teenager or even younger than that during a field trip in school to a local Medieval Times event. I was the only one there among my classmates with a big camera hanging around my neck which sadly often were met with pointing and ridicule from classmates who thought it was dorky to have such a big camera. While I did not really care or know how to use it I still took pictures the best I could at the time. Many years later when I was able to buy my own camera and equipment I chose to do it and I got hooked again on it. I find my most passion with the images I take our those of nature scenes. Anything to do with the land, mountains, animals...

  If you are at all in the age range of mid 40's you might have been around when the early days of Dungeons and Dragons became a thing some teens got into. Back then well it was basically something only nerds would play. It took a long time to get the stigma off of that idea. Now it is like insane to the level that famous celebrities play games like it. It is no longer a game only for nerds who had no friends. Now do not get me wrong it is not even close today to how it was played when I was like 10. We would play locally at the home of one of the players with food, drinks. It was so much fun playing until 2am. But now the games seem to be played more in shops taking away in my opinion all the fun that made the games fun to begin with. You become limited by space of the room, table and hours of the shop. Miniatures were a big part of the game when I was younger but now it seems they have fallen away. We had game shops that sold all the products you needed for the gaming but never h...

  So there is a small chance but still a good one that a change is coming to us. What I mean is simply there might be a move coming up in our lives again. I try not to make assumptions or invest too much into possible outcomes. But if this employment change occurs for one of us it will mean relocation to Arkansas. This would be not new in terms of having to move or wanting to move. But it will be a first in terms of moving for a job. Our only hope is that there is some level of relocation assistance if they were to make an offer that demands a quick starting date. Even with a well paying salary asking any employee to relocate within a few weeks takes time and money. Arkansas for all manner of things outside of the high chances of tornadoes looks to be a nice place to live. It is not so far south that it runs into the southern culture that some can see as extreme but not so far from it that it is not there at all. I honestly hope this happens I have grown tired of the overall west c...

So my mind lately has been just in turmoil over something that most think about or maybe they don't. For me it is the lack of knowing who I am. Let me explain when I was younger you were just a kid a person who did very little and had fun. But as I am older now all I do too often is spend time not having any idea of who I am. Why am I here? What is my purpose? Where do I belong? And let me stop now and say to anyone reading this, no this is not some cry for religious help or meaning in life. I kind of live in the mindset that what one does defines them and makes them who they are. By that alone, I am nobody. I struggle in my life to find what makes me...me. Just working and doing nothing when I am not working is no real purpose of existing. I often get that never enough feeling as well like no matter what I might find that gives me my identity is never enough. Almost like thinking to myself well if it is something I can't do all the time then why bother at all? I just wish I kn...

  So I watched this documentary the other day on something called grounding yourself to the earth. But in most cases it is called Earthing. Where you basically make sure you have your bare feet touching the ground. By this it does not mean just being barefoot you need to be that way but on natural earth like dirt, grass. And they make a pretty good argument on that idea. Simply put our bodies have electrons in them which have been known to cause some ailments, inflammation. And they went through some in depth studies done be medical professionals like Doctors not just people who think this stuff works. In almost every single person who was part of the study had a scan done before and after of what inflammation was in their body at the time. Almost all of them showed a reduction in inflammation which resulted in better health. I began to think more and more about how much better I felt as a kid when I was almost barefoot outside all the time. So there is something to this I have no ...

  There is so often that I sit and find myself questioning if I really am truly free. I do not recall a time in my life where I was ever to sit down and make a decision about something without having to consult someone else over it. Right now even as I enter this into the journal I am debating on moving on from my current vehicle to something bigger more suited to me. But can I just go out and make it happen? No I have to check with others and discuss it, to me that is the biggest thing to make a person feel like they are a child not an adult. I am not even sure if I have ever been able to do anything decision wise that was about something I wanted. I am 47 now and in reality pushing into the phase of mid-life crisis mode. Do I want a sports car and a young blonde of course not but do I want to feel some level of life change and freedom to make it happen without input from others? Hell yes. I would like to move from my smaller Subaru Forester to something that also makes me feel bi...

 I am finding out more and more that my life is becoming something that lacks passion. I know it comes in many forms, many things can spark passion. I am finding that as I get older and things in general are becoming boring and lacking of interest to me. I am finding more and more reasons to not do something that I might enjoy doing. I am finding also that the mindset I used to have in my younger days of doing what I love and nothing else was important has left me. It is now more about taking care of other things and not myself. I begin to make myself avoid doing anything at all by using excuses like it is too expensive, too far away, too much of a pain. I remember being in my teens and if I was like, hey I want to go ride my bike. I did it I just grabbed it and rode did not care at all where I was going or why I just went. But now I let too many things happen to convince me not to go. It is like I have just given up on trying to live a life that makes me happy and just live one th...